Being More Selective with Our Time

Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

References

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[4] Friedman, W. J., & Janssen, S. M. (2010). Aging and the speed of time. Acta Psychologica, 134(2), 130-141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.actpsy.2010.01.004

[5] Winkler, I., Fischer, K., Kliesow, K., Rudolph, T., Thiel, C., & Sedlmeier, P. (2017). Has it really been that long? Why time seems to speed up with age. Timing & Time Perception, 5(2), 168-189. https://www.doi.org/https://doi.org/10.1163/22134468-00002088

[6] Zorn, J. & Marz, L. (2022). Golden: The power of silence in a world of noise. Harper Wave.

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[8] Carstensen, L. L. (2021). Socioemotional selectivity theory: The role of perceived endings in human motivation. The Gerontologist, 61(8), 1188-1196. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnab116

[9] Giasson, H. L., Liao, H. W., & Carstensen, L. L. (2019). Counting down while time flies: Implications of age-related time acceleration for goal pursuit across adulthood. Current Opinion in Psychology, 26, 85-89. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.07.001

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[14] Barber, S. J., Opitz, P. C., Martins, B., Sakaki, M., & Mather, M. (2016). Thinking about a limited future enhances the positivity of younger and older adults’ recall: Support for socioemotional selectivity theory. Memory & Cognition, 44(6), 869-882. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13421-016-0612-0

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Why Does Time Seem to Speed Up as We Get Older?

You might recall your time as a high school or university student as a distant memory. After starting your careers, you might have realized it has been a while since you last spoke to or caught up with the friends you made as a student. As the demands of our attention and energy increase, the rhythm of life also appears to speed up. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and before we realize it, we approach the end of (yet) another year. Psychological research shows that the more people felt they were under time pressure, the more likely their memory would be biased toward thinking that time has ‘sped up’ – most often, as they got older [1]. Interestingly, however, research has found that this effect isn’t due to age. While we do get busier as we approach middle-age, it is not biology that explains the perceived increased speed of time. Studies on what is popularly known as the ‘mid-life crisis’ show that while many of us do experience increased stress due to time scarcity, ailing health and reminders of our mortality. The midpoint in one’s life, however, is not what researchers would consider an actual crisis [2]. Rather, middle adulthood is often a period for contemplation and a prompt for one to revise their life priorities. For men, in particular, it is a phase where they contemplate their achievements and successes, evaluating how closely they have been able to meet their, and society’s expectations [3]. If not age, what then accounts for the hastening of time in our young to middle adulthood?

Time speeds up when we become increasingly engrossed in our day-to-day demands. And this is most evident when we are busy climbing the rungs of achievement and in our race toward professional success. Days that demand all of our cognitive resources leave us with little to no emotional bandwidth to contemplate what we value for our lives beyond our professional strivings. It is where we direct our attention that shapes the illusion of time’s hastening pace. As such, some researchers have surmised that the depletion of attentional resources is what explains the quickening passage of time [4]. Think about the busiest you have ever been in your life. Days where you spent long hours in the office, where your professional commitments continue to increase even when you tick off every to-do. These experiences often result in two psychological impressions. First, you realize that time is scarce and rapidly decreasing. Second, you end up feeling that time doesn’t merely stride, but sprint forward. One study showed that it was the decreasing frequency of new life experiences that led to the illusion of time hastening in our lives [5]. And what perhaps compounds the demands on our already limited attention is our fractured focus. Our fragmented attention means that our minds are often anchored anywhere but in the present moment [6]. Without a steady hold on our most basic cognitive efforts, it is perhaps no surprise that our perceptions of time availability also become altered as a result. Paradoxically, then, routines rush time forward. Routines – your 9-to-5s, don’t bookmark our experiences. Instead, the hours you spend in your professional routines blur into months and years without our conscious realization. Before we realize it, 10 years will have passed since we last saw that friend at our last high school reunion. Or 5 years would have passed before you’re suddenly reminded that you’ve not gone on a holiday without checking your work emails.

Being More Selective as We Age

The realization of time slipping away nudges us to be more intentional about how we spend the time we do have. Realizing time is running out causes unpleasant emotions – anxiety, for one, but also fittingly, an emotion that the Germans call torschlusspanik. Translated as ‘gate-closing panic,’ the emotion is the result of the unsettling discomfort that, as the clock ticks down, we have yet to achieve certain life milestones – career success, marriage and having children, for instance [7]. Yet, psychological research also indicates that as we age, our priorities shift and change with how much time we perceive we have left. This is the core idea of socio-emotional selectivity theory. Studies indicate that in older adults, those who perceive themselves as having shorter and more limited future time horizons (i.e., less time ahead than before them) tend to prioritise more emotionally meaningful goals, savour present moment experiences [8]. In terms of relating with others, older adults also prefer choosing to deepen close relationships rather than seek new friendships [9]. They also tended to prefer intimate social relationships that are associated with positive emotions and greater well-being [10]. Further, studies have also shown that older adults tend to be biased toward the positive. Laboratory studies show that while younger adults paid more attention to and focused their attention on negative stimuli more quickly, older adults showed a reverse pattern, directing their attention to more pleasant stimuli [11]. Older adults also showed a positivity bias in which they recalled positive material more quickly than negative material [12].

We do not need to wait until we are older before our tendencies shift toward prioritising depth, meaning, and well-being. You may be at a juncture in your life where you realize that time is gradually increasing its pace on your life and taking time away from opportunities to prioritise your health, relationships, and well-being in general. Consider what some psychological research shows when we intentionally (rather than mindlessly) take stock of our time scarcity. When one group of researchers asked participants to live like it were their last day in their current city, they reported greater life satisfaction and positive feelings compared to those who were simply told to track their daily activities. Living intentionally and recognising the finitude of time, say the researchers, led participants to act in ways that better served their needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness – core psychological needs for well-being [13]. Being mindful of the limited time one has also prompts greater recall of positive events, even among younger adults. When researchers asked participants to reflect on time being limited or expansive, and then tested their memory on a recall test, they found that thinking of time as limited aided in their ability to remember the pictures shown to them in the study [14]. Time perception is then, is malleable – one can subtly, kindly, mindfully remind oneself of the passing days. This can spur an intention to live more intentionally, and craft one’s days so that they don’t feel like they are slipping away [15]. In one other study, when college students were primed with a reminder that they were close to graduation, they were more motivated to engage in college-related activities and reported higher levels of subjective well-being. The researcher highlights these counterintuitive findings, saying that when we think about an experience ending soon, such as when the students realized they would be graduating and leaving college soon, we might enjoy and savour our in-the-moment experiences more [16]. We more often imagine what it would mean to enjoy life more if we were close to its end.

You already know that your time is scarce. It is precious, and perhaps, you are made more aware of this from having read this article. Knowing this, what is one thing you might do differently in the weeks ahead? Which experiences outside of work would help you feel more competent? What leisurely pursuits might you engage in to reclaim agency over your time? And perhaps most importantly, which relationships would you prioritise to know that you are not alone in your experience? Perceived scarcity of time perhaps only diminishes our enjoyment of life if we fail to take notice of it. Paradoxically, then, being consciously aware of the finitude of time and energies leads us to appreciate – and then engage in actions that invite us to a more deliberate experience of life.

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