You, at Your Best

I have always preferred the reflection of the life to life itself.

Francois Truffaut

References

[1] Goldstein, S. & Brooks, R. (2024). What makes us human? Available at: https://samgoldstein.com/resources/articles/general/2023/what-makes-us-human.aspx

[2] Harrington, R., & Loffredo, D. A. (2010). Insight, rumination, and self-reflection as predictors of well-being. The Journal of Psychology, 145(1), 39-57. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2010.528072

[3] Kross, E. (2021). Chatter: The voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it. Crown.

[4] Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it). Harvard Business Review, 4(4), 1-9. https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it

[5] Pronin, E., & Kugler, M. B. (2007). Valuing thoughts, ignoring behavior: The introspection illusion as a source of the bias blind spot. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 43(4), 565-578. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2006.05.011

[6] Buckingham, M., & Goodall, A. (2019). The feedback fallacy. Harvard Business Review, 97(2), 92-101. https://hbr.org/2019/03/the-feedback-fallacy

[7] Niemiec, R. M. (2019). Finding the golden mean: The overuse, underuse, and optimal use of character strengths. Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 32(3-4), 453–471. https://doi.org/10.1080/09515070.2019.1617674

[8] King, L. A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(7), 798-807. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167201277003

[9] Loveday, P. M., Lovell, G. P., & Jones, C. M. (2018). The best possible selves intervention: A review of the literature to evaluate efficacy and guide future research. Journal of Happiness Studies, 19, 607-628. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-016-9824-z

[10] Carrillo, A., Rubio-Aparicio, M., Molinari, G., Enrique, A., Sanchez-Meca, J., & Banos, R. M. (2019). Effects of the best possible self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PloS One, 14(9), e0222386. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0222386

[11] Schubert, T., Eloo, R., Scharfen, J., & Morina, N. (2020). How imagining personal future scenarios influences affect: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 75, 101811. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2019.101811

[12] Roberts, L. M., Dutton, J. E., Spreitzer, G. M., Heaphy, E. D., & Quinn, R. E. (2005). Composing the reflected best-self portrait: Building pathways for becoming extraordinary in work organizations. Academy of Management Review, 30(4), 712-736. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2005.18378874

[13] Spreitzer, G., Stephens, J. P., & Sweetman, D. (2009). The Reflected Best Self field experiment with adolescent leaders: Exploring the psychological resources associated with feedback source and valence. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(5), 331-348. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760902992340

[14] Baird, N., Robertson, J. L., & McLarnon, M. J. (2023). Looking in the mirror: Including the reflected best self exercise in management curricula to increase students’ interview self-efficacy. Academy of Management Learning & Education, 22(4), 662-680. https://doi.org/10.5465/amle.2021.0347

[15] Quinn, R. E., Dutton, J. E., & Spreitzer, G. M. (2003). Reflected best self exercise: Assignment and instructions to participants. Center for Positive Organizational Scholarship, Ross School of Business, University of Michigan. Product B, 1. https://blogs.owen.vanderbilt.edu/owen-all-ldp/wp content/uploads/sites/4/2023/04/RBS_Exercise.pdf

The Value of Self-Reflection

Our consciousness defines us as human beings. The capacity to be aware of ourselves, our surroundings and our internal experiences grants us the ability to reflect on our thoughts and emotions, contemplate our actions, and engage in critical thinking [1]. It is an ability that, as far as we know, does not exist in other biological life forms. Such complex cognitive abilities – consciousness applied to the service of self-reflection, allow us to better understand ourselves and who we are in our social worlds. The ancient Greeks proclaimed that one should “Know thyself” – arguably the most popular philosophical maxim about the value of intimately understanding oneself. In contemporary psychological research, self-awareness is the tendency to maintain a general awareness of one’s feelings and mental processes. A related concept, self-reflectiveness is the tendency to focus on oneself repeatedly [2]. Engaging in reflections of the self and being aware of one’s internal mental processes is associated with greater well-being. But psychologists also recognize that these tendencies can sometimes be detrimental instead, prompting unhelpful thought patterns and tendencies such as rumination. The psychologist Ethan Kross calls this ‘chatter’ – negative thoughts and emotions that turn one’s capacity for introspection into a curse rather than a blessing [3].

We are not, however, as self-aware as we think. Sharing findings from her research in her book Insight and a Harvard Business Review article, Tasha Eurich estimates that only about 10-15% of us are truly self-aware. While people in the study believed they were self-aware, only a minority truly were. Put another way, people were simply not self-aware that they are not self-aware [4]. There are two forms of self-awareness. Internal self-awareness is how we see ourselves – our values, passions, aspirations and our impact on others. External self-awareness is the flip side of this mirror – how others see the same qualities, characteristics and traits in us. But what is the cause of our general inability to be self-aware? For one, studies have shown how we tend to see ourselves as less susceptible to bias than others. “Others are surely biased in their self-reflections – but not me!” you might think to yourself. This ‘blind spot bias’ works against your internal self-awareness [5]. Another bias called the idiosyncratic rater effect impedes your external self-awareness. Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall [6] write that this bias tends to manifest itself in performance and evaluation feedback. Others evaluate us based on their understanding of what is good. In turn, we rate others based on our limited, subjective understandings. What is good/bad in you is not the same as what is considered good/bad by your rater. Ironically, this may also cause us to downplay or diminish positive qualities and strengths that others might spot in us and lead to a strengths blindness [7]. Buckingham and Goodall also highlight that a typical performance feedback session tends to focus more on limitations and weaknesses. This negativity bias in coaching will likely result in deflated optimism and diminished motivation.

Reflecting the Best, Most Accurate Version of You

A resolution to these biases is, of course, not to dismiss the value of self-reflection altogether. It is to balance our reflections of our struggles and challenges with positive possibilities. When we do so, our self-reflective and introspective moments can enrich our lives. One such approach, as a response to the negativity bias and idiosyncratic rater effect, is to tilt the focus more towards the positive. You might thus engage in self-reflection that prompts you to reflect on the promises and possibilities of your potential, rather than fixate on your weaknesses. Ask yourself, “What could you reasonably and optimistically predict of your future – how might life go well for you in the coming years?” Such prompts are part of a writing intervention called the Best Possible Self (BPS) intervention, which encourages people to envision and write about how their lives have worked out in the best possible way. The full prompt reads [8]:

Studies show that the BPS intervention is beneficial for enhancing optimism, positive emotions, health, and well-being in general [9]. Another study supports these findings but also showed that the BPS intervention’s benefits were more effective than interventions where participants were (merely) asked to reflect on what they are grateful for [10]. One review suggested that our thoughts are often anchored in, and often provoke more emotion than in the past. Envisioning a hopeful future and seeing the promise of the positives can thus enrich our well-being [11].

All good self-reflection exercises and interventions too, benefit from input, feedback, and insights from others. Recall that self-awareness comprises both internal and external facets. How do others see you? More specifically, what is the best that others see in you? These are just some of the questions that guide the Reflected Best Self Exercise. “Who are you at your best?” is perhaps a question that can be answered not just from personal introspection alone, but through the stories that others share with you. You can try this now. Ask friends, colleagues and those whom you trust to recall moments in your life when they saw a ‘divine spark’ in you. This is a snapshot of when you were at your best. Ask them to recall and paint that snapshot in your life where you felt truly alive and at your best. Often, these descriptions go beyond depictions of your skill – they are likely to include stories of your character. Compile these moments into a picture – a portrait of who you are, a reminder of your potential and possibilities. This portrait is your “reflected best self” [12]. Research shows that it helps to obtain feedback from both professional and personal sources – family members and friends outside of work in addition to your colleagues. The exercise’s focus on strengths – moving from ‘what’s wrong’ to ‘what’s strong’ is also associated with positive outcomes [13]. In one study, when asked to reflect on stories portraying a portrait of their best selves, undergraduate students reported themselves to have greater belief in their abilities and confidence in their career choices. Importantly, it was those who had the lowest initial belief in their abilities and lowest confidence that benefitted most from the reflections of their best possible selves [14]. A detailed guide to the Reflected Best Self Exercise is provided here [15].

A Story of When You Were (and Still Are) at Your Best

Our ability to engage in self-reflection and our efforts to enhance our self-awareness need not be hampered by cognitive biases and the limits of our cognitive capabilities. Reflecting on your best possible self – nudging yourself toward seeing your life for what it can optimistically be and asking for others to help paint the portrait of your reflected best self can refine your self-reflection experience. This shift can move your reflections beyond criticism of your competence, to a celebration of your character. Ultimately, your reflections become contemplations that both affirm the good in you and lay the foundations for the future you desire.

Think about your life in the future. Imagine that everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all of your life goals. Think of this as the realisation of all your life dreams. Now write about what you imagined.

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